Dance may cause a whole lot of emotional responses. A variety of the time, we deal with the enjoyment; typically we name these “dance highs”. However, each excessive has a low. A type of lows might be envy.
What triggers envy?
The triggers for envy might be delicate or apparent, and might look very completely different relying on the particular person. You would possibly really feel envy:
- When another person works much less laborious, however is extra common or a greater dancer;
- After dropping a contest (or, merely failing to do nicely);
- When your friends are succeeding extra rapidly than you;
- a companion who appears to be the glorified one in a partnership; or,
- When your “dance crush” appears to have a greater reference to another person.
This isn’t an exhaustive listing; jealousy can take many, many varieties.
Generally, that envy can coexist with very actual prejudices. For instance, younger ladies who’re thought-about stereotypically enticing – particularly if they’re additionally a robust dancer or very gifted – usually entice a really vital diploma of jealousy as a result of they’re perceived as extra common and accessing higher dances.
A few of this envy might be the results of discrimination confronted by ladies who would not have a number of of the privileges these ladies do. For instance, a bigger or older physique might face a better diploma of discrimination – and exacerbate deep-seated insecurities which might be the results of systemic social points.
“Unhealthy” Envy
Opposite to what many suppose, envy and jealousy will not be inherently “dangerous”. They’re emotions; they’re a pure response to our circumstances, notion, and conditions. Individuals who have discovered the right way to course of envy are typically in a position to acknowledge and title the sensation – and permit it to be felt with out internalizing or externalizing it in an unhealthy manner. For instance, a dancer who sees somebody begin 4 years later than them and turn out to be way more common at social dancing might be able to replicate:
Man, that particular person is so common socially; I’m not. This makes me really feel jealous as a result of I wish to have that have. I wish to be the favored dancer, particularly since I work so laborious at this. It doesn’t really feel so nice to really feel like my effort isn’t acknowledged.
Nonetheless, for people who find themselves much less snug with the sensation, it could possibly turn out to be damaging. When directed internally, it could possibly trigger intense emotions of disgrace, self-hatred, or worthlessness. For instance:
Gosh, I’m such a foul particular person. particular person wouldn’t be jealous of their success. particular person would solely be pleased for them. This implies I should be faulty or flawed; I don’t need to be included locally when I’ve such a foul perspective.
Some folks might also internalize it by evaluating themselves to these perceived traits, and feeling they are going to by no means “measure up” as a result of they’re inherently flawed in different methods.
Conversely, if an individual views envy as a foul factor however is unable to self-reflect as a result of it threatens their sense of safety, they could direct it outwards. This will usually appear like blaming or discovering a motive to justify channeling envy to anger:
They’re solely common as a result of they put on revealing garments and are scorching and younger. They don’t care about dance; they’re a shallow person who doesn’t deserve this success. They’ve simply obtained everybody wrapped round their finger – and there’s a lot of shallow dancers that solely care about getting them into mattress.
Each internalization and externalization of envy as a “dangerous” emotion can result in a whole lot of issues. For people who internalize it, they could discover themselves spiralling right into a dance melancholy (or, actual melancholy) the place the enjoyment is sucked from the expertise as a result of they’re unable to take a seat with feeling one thing that may be very pure and regular. For people who externalize it, they could turn out to be judgmental, indignant, vindictive, and injury different folks’s emotional wellbeing (or, in excessive instances, total communities).
So, what do I do with my jealousy?
Nicely, that relies upon. It is determined by the way you course of feelings, and what motivates you in a wholesome route. In the event you have no idea what that appears like for you, you might wish to think about discovering a therapist or self-studying. This would possibly embrace issues like podcasts, books, movies, and extra. In the end, dance might be therapeutic – however it’s not an alternative to remedy, and it’s unlikely to develop wholesome emotional coping mechanisms by itself.
Listed below are some some self-reflective questions that I exploit to course of emotions of jealousy:
- What’s the “factor” that’s making me jealous?
- Is that this factor one thing that I may also attain, if I deal with working in direction of it?
- If it’s not attainable, what can I do to maneuver previous the sensation of jealousy in a constructive manner?
- Do I really feel like they don’t “deserve” it? Why do I really feel that manner?
- Am I feeling anger or resentment together with the jealousy? Has the particular person accomplished something to me that may clarify these emotions, or is it about one thing apart from my relationship with them?
- Am I feeling every other feelings together with the jealousy which will replicate a necessity or need that I ought to handle?
Envy in Stability
In the end, feeling jealous doesn’t make anybody a foul particular person. However, it could possibly get in the way in which of getting a optimistic dance expertise and constructing wholesome interpersonal relationships. However, if we replicate inwards and discover ways to course of this troublesome emotion, we will settle for it – and ourselves – and transfer in direction of a extra optimistic relationship with dance – and ourselves.
For instance, some wholesome expressions of jealousy can embrace:
- Seeing somebody who’s doing rather well, and utilizing it as inspiration to work tougher
- Studying the right way to construct relationships with folks that encourage us, fairly than tearing them down
- With the ability to acknowledge and title the emotion, sit with it, and let it go as a pure cycle
- Differentiating emotions of envy from demonizing the particular person
So, the following time you have got the pangs of jealousy, resist the urge to be laborious on them – or your self. Take into account taking a second to consider the visceral emotional response, and perceive your self. You – and your dance neighborhood – will thanks for it.
